03-12-2010

Masya Allah, time flew faster! i've spent half of my holiday already....

No, that's not what i wanna say actually..

Today is the day.

I havent got any jittery-fluttery feeling yet but i'm praying that the event will run smoothly and be blessed by Allah..

and i've got one huge family gathering and mini reunion of beloved friends to look forward!!

Thanks for all the warm wishes and prayers, angels!

Ticker..

...to which i dont have one. when it should be one of the most awaiting moment in my life, i dont even bother to put a countdown or anything..

So, am i not excited or what??

Not really...i just wanna keep this on low key note as much as possible. Yes, it is something worth thousands of word and pictures but i simply do the countdown in my mind..

Patutla sampai hari 1st day cuti, solat tersalah kiblat sampai 2 kali di rumah sendri....2nd time tuh baru adik perasan then tegur..arghh, memalukan sungguh...but i blamed the praying mat for that,teheee!

Must've been all jumbled up inside my head...even after putting a long list of what to do for each day till thursday..

Alhamdulillah, so far the preparation is going well. Now it's down to finalising the dais, dress(es), doorgifts and room. I've also emailed the photographer the details of all events and how i want the moments to be captured...hopefully it'll all turn out good.

Lotsa family and friend will be there this weekend, looking forward!

Ya Allah, pls ease the way and let it run smoothly..

Sincerely...

Thanks to Farina for the special entry on how to get rid of acne scars...honestly, it has never been a major problem on my skin till the last fasting month (remember my drama queen episode?!) yeahh, i suffered from major break-outs and the scar was hideous..

I've been using oxy10 (finished one tub with superb result to clear away active acne) and currently on tea-tree cream. Also started to routinely apply aloe-vera and clarifying mask, next in line would be honey and lime...i realised that i have sensitive skin so i have to go easy with chemical and try more natural remedy..

Thanks to Aneesa for the word of wisdom...honestly, i havent been feeling jiggly or anything like that about getting married because i'm swamped out by oncall every two days...i hope i'll be able to cope with long distance marriage for the time being and everything will run smoothly, amin...

Thanks to my favourite aunt for checking out on me...i havent been myself for the past few days, no thanks to heavy workload and women's monthly visit...doubts and insecurity creeps in, it's not easy to handle when mind hasnt been thinking right...but i'm all good now...

Thanks to my other favourite cousin for calling me up on his birthday just to let me know that he's getting one of my wishlist..

Thanks to my mum who has been doing multitasking in preparation for the wedding...she decided to take care more than what she needed to, God bless her!

Thanks to my angels who decided to book tickets to be here on 4/12/2010...looking forward to meeting them all!

Thank You Allah for sending me love through these people..

WEDDING WISHLIST

I love house accesories that comes in white colour..

During my stay in Melbourne, i bought the set for 4 of this Corelle design so add-ons would be nice...

Perfect little retreat with comfy beddings

Tupperware collection to get me going with cooking;)

His and hers items are such cutesy

Fruit juice maker-another way of healthy lifestyle

Digital Al-Quran- soothing sound for the ears

Shop Till Drop...

'Ahhhh, the sweet smell of heaven...'

I literally stopped at the entrance of the mall and take a deep breath, smiling from ear to ear..!

I'd voted this experience as the best ever for the preparation, even when i had to be alone for more than 6 hours on the first day when Fiance was running (super duper!!) late from somewhere else...i had every right to sulk for that but choose not to..ahh, proud of myself;) In fact, i enjoyed myself browsing through from one shop to another and waited till he arrived to buy my (instant!) dream bag...

We had it better on 2nd day... managed to find everything on the list and much to his delight, i settled for this particular shoes after much contemplation and surveying (typical!)...it's sooooo soooooo nice to go shopping when u dont have to worry about price tag and all because you know it's your once-in-a-lifetime-wedding (insya Allah!) so u can splurge without feeling guilty;)

In between the spree, we set a lunch date with my besties and they got along pretty quick...i'm happy!

We headed home 2 hours before the shop closed...Deep inside, i'm envious of those who're getting married next cos they'll have this marvellous experience to enjoy while i'm already done with it...

The best thing in the wedding to-do-list!

Now where's the list?

Ahh, apology..i should've invited you people to my wedding in previous note but i was in hurry to shut down my laptop and catch up with good sleep;)

So here i am inviting you to be part of the day..I dont plan anything big and it's going to be a simple 'kampung' wedding but i'd really appreciate if you could be there...please leave ur address for card delivery..

I created a check list while scribbling my mind away during a course in Pulau Kapas last July (talking about going to a medico-legal talk with none that i know of..) it has been useful ;)

Invitation list

Not an easy task. Still waiting for Fatma to email me SSPians database (practicality rules!), scratching my head to make a list for KMB, Monash, HRPZ II and the easiest would be for HTM.. Ahh, worst come to worst, i still have facebook kan? Not taking an easy way but it's quite impossible to reach each and everyone so please forgive me for doing so..

Wedding card

I planned to get it done while Fiance's still around during Eid but who would've thought 16th Sept would be a holiday for businessman as well..So i had to wait for the next weekend and drag my fab girls to accompany...it was hillarious trip with my bad sense of direction but definitely worth the fun. The choices were all nice and most importantly, dirt cheap;) Found the one that matched the theme and quickly made order before i switched to the usual fickle-minded...Now it's at the printing shop and hoping to send it away by November..

Updated: dang! the printing shop couldnt keep their promise to get the sample ready by 1 week. Lucky Fiance was around so i requested him to send them to another printing shop. The funny thing is that the card is no longer simple because Fiance took the effort to do the finer details..not that i know the difference between usual printing and customised stamp pad. ahhh, i shall see the result within this week and hopefully, it will be ready for hand/post-delivery by early next month..

Dais

None of the collection around the shop caught my attention or within my budget so i decided to google it. hehehe, found it! Again, it was so simple that the shop owner said it's more like engagement mini dais..but i believe the colour and flower arrangement will make up for it..anyway, it's going to be an informal event and the dais is merely for doa selamat and photo session so i i'm happy...now its a matter of convincing mum that it'll be more lovely with fresh flowers...

Dresses

So the bridal shop owner is actually my mum's long distance relative..She told me that the package price for is for 5 dresses max so i havent got the chance to try them all yet...planning to do so this weekend i guess..as for the akad and his reception, waiting for the tailor to fix them all..oh, i need to survey some ready-made dress for the outdoor session. Dont worry, the session will be in between our reception so u wont find us MIA during your visit;)

Photographer

I was a bit dissapointed as my engagement's photographer (cum-good-friend) told me that he's going away during the wedding so i had to browse through the net again..after comparing a few pacakge, found the one that gives the best deal within my budget..perhaps not the best but i guess it's just a matter of the environment and people around that makes good snapshot;) he's a freelancer that's actually working in KL but his clients were mostly in hometown. Thank God he could spare another day for the outdoor session...i'm hoping for candid pictures with lovely faces and gleeful smile from family and friends;)

Doorgift

A bit of tragedy as i decided to buy it without consulting my mum. I guess i took her word of 'simple' at face value without actually clarifying...hahaha, 700 pieces ok! Visit to Nilai saved the day...we found better deal within agreeable price. So all is good now, it's a matter of decorating them all. As for the earlier buy, i thought of kids and the affection to sweets...!

I shall leave the best part of all till the next entry;)

Bridezilla!

I thought i should wait till Eid is over before making any preparation because i dont wanna look or sound too enthusiastic, but here i am 2 months away with long list of things to book/buy..

Heheh, drama queen!

The best thing i had ever done was to decide on theme colour early..it was way back during engagement prep actually and i'm proud to say i havent change my mind..yet;) Those around me would nod in agreement because nobody would wanna deal with my fickle-mind ....I could easily go unsure about my decision and ponder on choices for as long as i want..driving everyone crazy..a usual scenario during our eating-outs;)

As for the date,

3rd Dec: akad nikah

4th Dec: My reception

6th Dec: his reception

30th Dec: my birthday

eh, silap! termasuk pulak yang last tuh...teheeee;)

Kisah klasik..

Haih, i feel really bad for leaving this space for so longgg...i'm really sorry!

So this will be for those who remains here...a snippet of what happened last 2 months. At first i didnt feel quite right to share because it might be misunderstood, but what the heck..i'd like to remember the story as our kisah klasik;)

I last met my fiance during our engagement ceremony (tehee, he was there actually..) so when he told me that he'll be back for Ramadhan, i thought he'd like to see me..but for some reason, he thought it's ok if we dont meet up..

Ahh, this drama queen was quick to respond.. i said ok, fine but let's not contact each other for the whole Ramadhan..! hah, speaking of woman's ego..

So even if i was ill with unremitting fever, parents' away for the whole fasting month and the worst break-outs i have ever had in my life...i didnt budge from my decision..so did he.

That's not the end of the drama. Even if he send me the sweetest sms on Eid, i still had the nerve to disregard his effort and feed my pride...Thank God someone in the family decided to smack me on my head (not literally, ok!) and the rest is history.....

So we're all good and this will be part of our 'kisah klasik' for our next generation;)

Death angel..

Do you know what i hate most about my job?

No, it's more than those lazy biatches in white uniform...

It's when i have to break the news to the family members that their beloved is dying or couldnt make it.

It crushes my heart everytime.

Let me tell you a brief backgound scenario: most of them were either from middle or low socioeconomic status. Some were old, some were frail, some were poor. These people tugged my heart everytime i look at.

It happened again last night. The husband had to stay back to take care of their little kids. The wife was struggling with dengue shock syndrome. He arrived after we've intubated the patient. I just couldnt describe his expression upon learning the current status, nor could i imagine how he felt. The other children were there, arrived one by one.

He asked for a place to perform prayers. I showed his washroom and politely request a space from the neighbouring patients. So did the children, he asked them to do the same. I quickly turned away and made myself occupied before tears showed up again.

The prognosis was guarded, we the professionals knew it. Yet, we tried our very best to save her with fluids, drugs and CPR. From time to time, i took glance at the old man. He was restless and struggled for the remaining strength. God, thanks for the mask to hide my sadness.

I had to left to attend other ill cases in casualty. After a while, i learned about the death. Secretly, i was relieved for not being there at that moment,

No, it wasnt about the audit...but i could not bear looking at the old man and his children. It was devastating for me.

Ya Allah, please forgive the allahyarhamah and bless her family with strength.

Sakinah. Mawaddah.Rahmah

I had to take a leave to attend pre-marriage course cos i thought, might as well get it over and done with so that i could focus on doing the preparation after raya.

I didnt put up high expectation for these 2-days event so i brought along another sequale of thriller fiction and my organiser. just in case i doze off, u know;)

I had fun observing the participants instead..

* Out of curiosity, i simply scanned through the name list and IC number because majority of them couldnt be more than 20 years old. Spot on! i wished to ask those 15 years old, what they were doing in this course?? shouldnt they go to school or at least stay at home and help their parents?? goodness gracious, i was busy having fun with my girlfriends and drooling over hot celebrities(shahrukhkhan,LOL?!) around their age. am i ancient?

* I saw it once and i double-checked again. I secretly hoped that the girl only had big tummy and not actually being pregnant. Naive as i might be, her petite frame told me otherwise. I didnt know how to regard the scenario-that it's actually good for her to finally get married or cursed her for carrying baby out-of-wedlock ?

* What should i say about the talk itself? That the one and only example every speaker could think of when it comes to marriage issue is sex. There were at least 5 different terms or sounds they came up with to describe coitus. The only logical explanation i could came up with was that they had to tally the speech content with the audience. As i've mentioned, majority were barely more than 20 years old so these religious personnel had to feed on the kids' raging hormone..or, simply their own??

*I figured that i learned more from reading Saifulislam series than attending this. I have no complaint though cos i secured myself a hidden spot and got engaged in the forensic thrill so by the end of it, i'm done reading the book.

Whatever it is, formality is still a formality. I'll still be going tomorrow.

Tick tock..

Now, stop browsing through others' blog and start updating yours!

Opsie-daisy, i'm guilty as charged for abandoning this space. perhaps, i've lost the touch of writing my mind but i am not ready to give it up, yet. I mean how the hell am i going to keep in touch with most of my dearest if i dont keep this little journal.

Life has been great, if not better. Alhamdulillah. At least, i know the difference of being busy happily and grumpily idle. Yes, i occasionally recalled my leisure time doing opthalmology but got stuck with almost daily attack of migraine and multiple (stress) mouth ulcer . Now, i dont have ample time as i'll be on my feet around the clock reviewing patients in the ward, finishing off clinic and at times covering for casualty as well. Apart from those lazy nurses, i have no other complaint. i am smiling most of the time and i could really appreciate my job.

Now i understand why people shouldn't get engaged for a long period. I'm blessed with someone so patient, otherwise this might not work out, lol! i could easily throw tantrum and sulk all day long over a tiny issue, but God bless him, he just know how to handle the situation until i cool down.

Okay, i promise to write more over certain life issues/updates..as of now, i feel like having a good chat with my bestie over the phone...

Take care!

Day One

So today is officially my day one of being a medical officer. Yes, i graduated from housemanship 2 months ago but i would not consider myself as an MO during my opthalmology placement. I didnt use enough brain cells and do much job to qualify as one during the period.





I managed to get the appeal through and started my district placement in HTM instead. Of course i was all nervous and excited at the same time being in new place and environment. I tried to adapt quick.





By 10 am after a quick brunch, i tagged doing medical round then went to cover casualty with another MO. A nice and decent chap. There'll be three of us covering medical.





The pace in this hospital is just nice, not too rushy but not so slow. Everyone's friendly and chatty. The cases that came in today were the usual, nothing emergency. My good buddy was there for a while to accompany me.





By 5pm, i was practially exhausted and starved, but nothing to whine about. I enjoyed listening to the heart and chest, talking to the patients and trying to make up a diagnosis from their story together with my finding. My brain is finally working again after a short dormant period.





I felt contented with my day, anxious nonetheless to start doing oncall this friday. Finally, i feel like everything falls into the right place.





To tops everything up, i'm going for a course in PULAU KAPAS next week!!

p/s: to celebrate, i put up my old blog over the right top. enjoice!

Inner Beauty

I love hugging and giving my mum a peck on her cheek. Although she had an ageing skin but it is smooth and silky soft. When i asked for her secret, she simply said it was from her ablution.

Awestruck-ed.

So this is my 2010's resolution-to beautify myself from the inside!

* I make it a habit to take ablution each time after using bathroom and recite selawat for each step of skincare routine. easy and practical.

* Cleanse my heart from all those ill-feeling and thoughts. I guess it's easier said than done in this real world but i'm determined to find my way. Hatred, jealousy, rage and stress wont do any good to the well being and it would show on the facial expression somehow, only to quicken ageing process.

* Keep a good thought about others- one of the earliest advice my fiance gave me. heh, that's to summarise woman and insecurity i guess. lol! regardless, the meaning goes a long way indeed. Only if we can filter our thought and impression about other, we'll make a peace of mind- to keep the good ones and leave the rest behind. We can't expect every single person we know to treat us nicely all the time but there must be something GOOD he/she had done to us in the past. Even if the person betrayed or did something nasty to us, the best thing to do is walk away. Dont plot any punishment, Allah knows better.

*Be sincere- These would be applicable for many aspects in life; job-wise and personal relationship. Help others..renew our intention before going to work everyday kerana Allah Taala..believe in the power of giving.

*Forgive others before going to sleep- this is actually Sunnah Rasul, if i'm not mistaken. To err is human. Perhaps when someone hurts us, we might've hurt someone else in the past. Even if we can't forget, try to forgive. It will leave so much space for love in our heart by eliminating hatred and grudge. I'm proud to say that i am able to make peace with certain someone after 10 months of silence and to the one who left me without any word or sign, you're also forgiven.

So even if i could not afford to buy the best skincare range in the market, i hope these would help to keep me glowy and radiant!

Pink-Purple Day

Alhamdulillah for 05062010..

It was two days after my mum's birthday, so i hope this was one of her best present..

As the date was finalised mere 2 weeks prior, so i was a bit panicked to get everything done. Thank God i was quick to decide on the theme colour and already got my dress on its way..So the tiny bits of preparation..




Spent some time looking for decent cupcakes and almost got my auntie to book them from a store when my SIL called me up from KL and offered to bring home the customised version..


Made a little conspiracy with my sister to specially request my auntie in Taiping to come home and do decoration for the gifts...i've always treasured personal touch for family event..

Managed to secure the recommended make up artist (he beautified my sister on her wedding day 5 years ago) together with my favourite backdrop

(actually, i first saw the backdrop in purple while browsing through anonymous' blog and fell in love right away...secretly hoping that i could find one for my wedding..but who knows i didnt have to wait that long as it was ready for my engagement)

With a little help from my mum, His and Hers ring materialised and much to my (and almost everyone)'s delight..simple and practical for daily wear.

Tasted this home-made chocolate and wistfully thought that it would be nice to have them on the engagement or wedding..With a little help from my another SIL, they were the doorgift for his side..

Everybody's home!


Parents and the singles...

Ladies in the family...

I believe words and pictures would not justify the going of that day. It was smooth and simple, Alhamdulillah.

Big E

I guess it's about time to share the news..

Yes, i'm getting engaged!

Who: someone i never mentioned here.

Where: home sweet home.

When: 05062010.

How: erm, istikharah and kuasa Tuhan..

Why: i believe he is the answer to my endless prayers..

Sorry, i wont go into details here although i know some of you deserve to know...i will spill if we got the chance to meet in person, dont worry;)

Thanks for all the prayers all this while...it meant a lot for me..

As for the preparation, everything under control...it's quite a last minutes decision but i managed to decide on things easily (considering my infamous fickle-mind) and happy with the choice..

I'm rather more excited for another family gathering during event actually...hehe

Ahh, please pray that i wont be doing anything silly or flashing too much of my braces on that day!

Salad

sal·ad   /ˈsæləd/ Show Spelled[sal-uhd] Show IPA
–noun
1.a usually cold dish consisting of vegetables, as lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers, covered with a dressing and sometimes containing seafood, meat, or eggs.
2.any of various dishes consisting of foods, as meat, seafood, eggs, pasta, or fruit, prepared singly or combined, usually cut up, mixed with a dressing, and served cold: chicken salad; potato salad.
3.any herb or green vegetable, as lettuce, used for salads or eaten raw.
4.South Midland and Southern U.S. greens.
5.any mixture or assortment: The usual salad of writers, artists, and musicians attended the party.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of my favourite meals...i find it refreshing and fill my stomach just nice..

But that's how my mind is at the moment too..I've made a pact with Peah to update more frequently, at the very least once a week..So far, i havent been successful. I do have few issues to talk about but got swamped with either work or social events..let's see if i could squeeze some time and write on those accordingly..

PHUKET: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM..

That's our tagline, fyi..

1. When you go for buffet breakfast in the hotel, never save any meals for the next day. The menu wont be the same and you might missed tasting the fish porridge until the trip end.sob sob!

2. When you're doing adventurous activity like ATV, do not let your accident prone friend to go first. They might do unnecessary stunt and created worry to your guide. Instead of feeling like a fear factor champion, you'll be doing different route with little if not no tricky path at all.pbbhht..

3. 'I speak no Thai' 'ekumi?'

4. If you're going for snorkelling, always ask for the size of the boat and what's the side activity. Otherwise you'll end up in a large boat with overcrowded passengers feeling nonetheless like an illegal immigrant with few pitstops to drop other passenger. With the big size,'ship' wont go near the beach and the coral view wont be much spectacular.

5. It's a long winding road to most of the destination so do not overstuffed your tummy or underfilled it. Nauseated feeling isn't a nice feeling.

6. Learn to use calculator to bargain the price with the folks.

7. Always bring extra cash to the island because some ATM will dissapoint your shoprednaline')

8. Go for the seafood. You'll sleep with a big smile.

9. If you're feeding the baby elephant, shove the banana through the mouth not the nose, ok? achummmm!

10. Dont feel bad if you forgot your swimming attire and had to resort to the cutesy pyjama pants.You'll never know how much your friends would appreciate the printed colourful pattern as the landmark that they weren't far away from the crowd. lol!!

11. If you're going for some outdoor activities, please..please think twice before yo
opted for some flowery girly top with leggings. We dont want you to cringe upon the 'makcik temah pulang dari kedai' image on the camera screen.

12. Spare some time by the end of the trip for a photo review together. enjoy laughing fit over the expression of each other..

So beauties, thank u for a very wonderful time ..hugs!


P/S: pictures will be updated in FB..

Housemanship and all...

Today's almost a month since i last addressed myself as a houseman..No, nothing to brag or feel proud about..It's just a huuuugee relief that i have closed the first chapter and looking forward for the next one.

Here's my top five about being HO@Hamba Orang

1. Bekerja kerana Allah. This is not about being holier-than-thou or whatsoever but i learnt that whenever i felt upset with my superior or intimidated by fussy family members, i would take comfort in 'Takpelahhh..aku bekerja kerana Allah..bukannya utk diorg semua" It took away the huge tension that built up over the day and make me feel better instantaneously..

2. Family. I admitted that i was feeling rather low upon receiving the placement letter two years back because i would be the only one among the group who will settle down in this small city. Allah is the Best Know-er, He knew that i would need my family the most during the initial phase. My parents took an effort to come over to my little unit to keep me company every nite and left after subuh..they sometimes brought me dinner cause i'll be tooo tired or frustrated to prepare my own meal. They did that for a few weeks and in between i would drove home just for a few hours of sleep.

3. Little happiness. I didnt know how i came up with this mind game during the terrifying medical rotation. During those days, i was the new intern and struggled very much. Everything seemed wrong and i didnt know whether i was meant for this job. So i created this game so that by the end of my working hour, i should have at least one thing that made me happy and that's how i persevere. It would always end up either one branula successfully inserted, finishing job before lunch hour or a warm thought from the relative...

4. Friends. i had a bunch of crazy ones..None of us share the same personality thus making every hang-out a noisy ones with gossips, jokes and dreams..We sticked together till the present day and hoping to keep it like this.

5. Doa. That's my best friend to keep me going until the end.

So if anyone is thinking of taking up medicine, i would not discourage you. Please do so but with an open mind and for the right intention. You'll stumble, cried buckets or even drafting your very own resignation letter but if you manage to pull yourself up again and keep going, you'll get through..

Spill

So, can i write my mind off here?

I put my facebook on hiatus-no updates, no reply, no whatsoever until further notice. It used to be a great communication tool to keep in touch and share jokes. Nonetheless, someone created some scene that made me thought- ok, this is no good. i better keep myself away from this highschool drama before i lost my cool.

I aint gonna describe of the ugly scene within the circle but enough to come up with a few lessons- for self reminder at least. Yes, i have no intention to put anyone in uncomfortable position so just listen and ponder.

1. Respect

For me, this is a big word that comes in any relationship. As simple as respecting one's privacy and personal choice can actually bring the friendship to greater length. I do not have to agree to their decision but i shall keep mum about it unless i was asked for some opinion. I know how it feel when people question my preferences regarding certain personal story so i will not act the same way to others. If it's a good news, i will be happy for her and if it's a bad one, i'll just be there if needed. No hard and fast rules about who should be included in the treaty of trust.

Respect also will explain a lot about public embarassement. Truly, if i am having some issues with friend i would most probably keep quiet or try to talk to someone i trusted. I shall not put the person into public embarassement for whatever reason. Even if i do not feel like being the bestest friend, i should not play around with their dignity while lowering down mine. Treat others as how i want to be treated.

2. Apologize

This isnt an easy thing to do so if i decided to go for it, i shall not bring up the issue. ever. again. It's funny if i have admitted my mistakes and yet i keep on acting victim. Doesnt sound right at all. So the next time i realised my bad, i should leave it behind and move forward. This makes the world a better place to live in, seriously! It irked me when people kept on bringing up the past and acted victim so i shall not torture the other with the same attitude.

3. Distance

After all being said and done, it's definitely ok for me to keep friends at arm's length. As i do not mind being excluded by some, i expect the same from the rest. Experiences thought me well on this and people should not hate or blame me for being selective. Even if they do, i have nobody to please but Allah. I shall put my self-respect and dignity forward than anything else. After all, friends come and go, only the real ones will stay.

Over the long holiday, i pondered on this issue and learnt the lesson from what happened within my environment recently. Being at the receiving end of bad anger management widen the distance so i will try my best to keep whatever angst or disagreement to minimum level. I may keep my temper and dissapointment checked most of the time but if i do, i hope i havent hurt anyone's feeling. It's not an excuse for me to lash out on other people when i can't cope with the stress cause no matter what, i will leave a scar.

So i had my reality check. Let the remaining of April be the moment of self-reflection and lesson learnt from others.

Time...

I took a glance at him on my way to accompany another unfortunate patient with haemorrhagic stroke to CT Scan.

Hmmm, looks like MVA (motorvehicle accident) with poor GCS- possible intracranial bleed .

That's my spot diagnosis towards the gentleman. So i proceed with my task. When i returned to the redzone, he's already being clerked by my fellow colleagues so i just helped around.

Blood pressure remained low side but no compensated tachycardia. FAST showed no evidence of intra-abdominal bleeding.

Finger crossed, let it just be intracranial bleed and none others. Try fluid first.

Blood pressure didnt picked up. Repeated FAST revealed free fluid over the Morrison's pouch.

Awaiting surgical review.

Let's request for portable CXR as the lungs didnt sound right. Forget about the rest of Xray and CT for now. The patient's not stable enough.

Then it happened,

SPO2 dropped. tachycardia. BP remained low despite blood transfusion. abdomen started to distend. CXR showed multiple rib fracture with flail chest and haemothorax.

Pump the blood.

Prepare the intubation.

Suction! patient's pouring out stomach's content profusely.

Find more lines. Three have been used up for blood.We need one for drugs.

PEA. Time for CPR! but the flail chest?

Insert chest tube. 250ml of blood came out.

Adrenaline.

Atropine.

30 minutes.

Aku naik saksi tiada tuhan melainkan Allah, dan Nabi Muhammad itu pesuruh Allah.

Allah.

Allah.

Allah.

Innalillah...

He was living a hard life with his family. Trying to survive with cutting grass by the roadside. That's when he was hit (and run). No family members was by his side when he met with the Death Angel.

********************************************************
So i ended my chapter in emergency department. Insya Allah, i will be back again with better experience and knowledge.

Resolutions

The words lingered, stinging everytime i thought of it. Of course it only brings back negative vibe to which i never enjoyed

So i came up with a 2 years' plan. No, i dont do sweet revenge but i am to prove my worthiness...

- Since i wont get any recommendation to stay, i'll go wherever they're going me to send me away. No point arguing with those who doesnt care.

- Apply for district hospital as soon as possible. I figured, instead of wasting time doing something i never enjoyed (that's what scapegoat does, anyway) i might as well face my fear and get away from my comfort zone. Hospital Tanah Merah would be ideal for a few reason-experience and logistic.

- Find ways to attend all those required course-PALS, BLS, ALS and another course which i forgot.

- Buy books and read up!

- Get acquinted with those who're doing Master and get to know the pathway.

- After a year, go to JKNK and demand for transfer.

- Do the ultimate step: apply for Master in Emergency Medicine.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah jalanku ini..

The End Is The Beginning..

In a few days' time, i will end my housemanship..Previously i was all excited to come up with a list on how to make it all memorable, if not durable.

But today i learnt the real truth.

No matter how good your work performance,

No matter how much you value the job for personal satisfaction,

No matter how well you answer the question during the final assessment,

No matter how earnest you feel about pursuing the specialty,

No matter how humble you walk around the rest,

No matter what..

But if you dont have pretty face with flirty appearance, you're just nothing.

You're not even welcomed nor recognised.

But as the words above mean,

This is just the beginning.

I take this as a challenge to fulfill in 5 year's time.

For i believe that my fate is not in your hand.

I forever have My LOrd with me.

Comeback

I thought i would be writing something nice and happy to make up for the infrequent update but i guess, i need to get this out of my system.

Have i been bad for keeping something to myself to avoid fitnah?

I've observed so many. I've learnt from others. I dont wanna be the topic for conversation. I dont wanna make fool of myself again.

I thought it will be better to keep mum about it until i am certain myself.

Little did i know, when i finally decided to share..it became the reason for hatred and misunderstanding.

Nevermind.

Now i know whom i can count on. Now i accept that people can treat others differently simply by superficial insight about the whole scenario.

Ok.

Hai anonymous.

I didnt realise you're here until the email notification announcing your comment. Apparently that's not the only one. You've left several more but they went unnoticed before.

You cannot possibly be one of my friends or family because they'll say their name right away, i'm sure. But you sounded like a nice person so that doesnt bother me much. Thanks for your kind words and concern though. It seemed genuine, at least.

I dont know whether we could be friend or not because i dont leave my contact number or mail around for you to contact me personally. But if you're comfortable being my far-away acquintance, it's fine by me too.

Ahah!

Maybe you can be my imaginary friend, just like when we were kids so that i could talk to you without feeling anxious over the secret being heard by others.

What do you think?

Pending

Apology.

A month went by without a word in here. I'm not mourning over the loss but rather too occupied in moving forward.

yup, just like what Dory said in Finding Nemo..

'Keep moving, keep moving..'

What did i promised for February actually?

New start isnt it. So i choose to rejoice what matters most in my life-apart from faith that is.

Family.

I had great time with them over two wedding and an engagement over CNY break. The happy faces. The silly jokes. I shall put up some photoes as proof. Later.

Ok, honestly i am losing my flow of writing here. I should practise more. I promise. After i return from my girls' trip to Terengganu.

Toodles!

Sleepless

As i lied awake in the hospital bed, waiting for the antibiotic to kick in...

I thought of January..

Little did i know, when i said that it will be the month of letting go..it would be losing my 2 favourite men.

The first one was by choice. He could not make it. He chose to dissapear into the thin air. He chicken out. He dare not to say whatever the reason for his absence. It's funny, when i thought i learnt from previous mistake and can actually have platonic relationship..the very person chicken out. so i thought, ok fine. just go away. i wish i can be this mean bitch that keeps on wishing he will learn his lesson for treating a girl like a shit but i did not. i just wanna forgive him and keep my heart lighter. perhaps i'm not a good person either in the past.

But the second one was inevitable. my very own clique, my closest buddy has got his transfer application approved. damn, my heart sank when i first heard about the news. there wont be six of us anymore. being happily married but living a bachelor life (as his wife's abroad), he's been our partner in crime since. if the world has snail mail, we then have snail jokes when one funny stories/incident would lead to another good laugh..and we keep our youth that way.. and my latest inside joke with him would be ' a date with indonesian maid watching badminton'. go figure! deyyy, you will be sorely missed:p

Two different ending. Two different emotion.

Falling harder

Tak lelah
Kau beri sgalanya
'Tuk yakinkan ku
Kau sayang pada ku
Hingga kau
Taklukkan diriku
Membuat ku tersedar
Ku t'lah merasakan sesuatu

Di saat ku mulai sayang
Di saat ku mulai cinta
Kau yang hilangkan rasa untukku

Chorus:
Sedih yang mesti ku pendam
Rasa yang menjadi hampa
Ku jalani semua
Walau cinta kini tak berarah

Kau pergi tak beralasan
Tak seperti yang ku pinta
Ku menunggu tiba waktu kau ucapkan
Kau sayang padaku

Life Expression

This will be the month i choose to let go and move on.

This will be the month i wanna love myself more.

This will be the month i will laugh louder.

This will be the month when i will forgive and smile.

This will be the month everything starts new