Death angel..

Do you know what i hate most about my job?

No, it's more than those lazy biatches in white uniform...

It's when i have to break the news to the family members that their beloved is dying or couldnt make it.

It crushes my heart everytime.

Let me tell you a brief backgound scenario: most of them were either from middle or low socioeconomic status. Some were old, some were frail, some were poor. These people tugged my heart everytime i look at.

It happened again last night. The husband had to stay back to take care of their little kids. The wife was struggling with dengue shock syndrome. He arrived after we've intubated the patient. I just couldnt describe his expression upon learning the current status, nor could i imagine how he felt. The other children were there, arrived one by one.

He asked for a place to perform prayers. I showed his washroom and politely request a space from the neighbouring patients. So did the children, he asked them to do the same. I quickly turned away and made myself occupied before tears showed up again.

The prognosis was guarded, we the professionals knew it. Yet, we tried our very best to save her with fluids, drugs and CPR. From time to time, i took glance at the old man. He was restless and struggled for the remaining strength. God, thanks for the mask to hide my sadness.

I had to left to attend other ill cases in casualty. After a while, i learned about the death. Secretly, i was relieved for not being there at that moment,

No, it wasnt about the audit...but i could not bear looking at the old man and his children. It was devastating for me.

Ya Allah, please forgive the allahyarhamah and bless her family with strength.