Wednesday, April 11, 2012

My baby...

You're the gift for our first anniversary, also the first in my 2012 wishlist. Almost 6 weeks old by then.

I waited for a while to suprise your grandparents ( I made them visited us in Kedah for that purpose) with the news. Family and close friends shared the news later on.

For the next 10 weeks of having you inside me, it was a pleasant experience. I was very thankful for the mild morning sickness and support i received from colleagues. Your father pampered me very well.

Scan at 8th and 13th week were uneventful

No abdominal pain. No bleeding.

03042012: At 16 weeks, I walked up to the antenatal clinic for routine antenatal check up; all excited to see you again. 

 But where's your heartbeat? Why you seemed all crumpled inside?

My O&G colleague said we should do Doppler's ultrasound for better view but deep inside, i knew. 

I've lost you. 

My heart crushed into pieces. I cried my heart out in your father's arms..A strong tuck at my heartstrings.

It was missed miscarriage.

05042012: I was admitted and induced for labour. 

An hour of contraction pain. Selawat syifa and Surah Maryam from the iphone.

Uncomplicated delivery. Fetus still attached to the placenta sac. After the ultrasound, we opted to go home first and came back after a week to do repeat ultrasound and decide on D&C

It's been a week now since you left us but only Allah know when actually your heart last beat.

You're put to rest very close to your greatgrandfather's, fondly called as Tok ayah by us.

I took comfort knowing that you're in better place, waiting for us. So we need to become better Muslim to see you again. 

Rest now, my baby. 

With Love.

This hardship has renew-ed my love towards hubs. His undivided attention and sacrifice ease the pain .

This hardship has reminded me of those people around us who really cares and wish for the best for us.

Most of all, this hardship brings us closer to Him..


Actually, i had created a separate webspace for my journey of pregncy but Allah knows best..I will keep this memory inside my heart until it's time to write in there again, insya Allah..