Confession

Have you experienced suicidal experience?

I had, yesterday.

My very first (and will be the last!) short journey of feeling a total worthlessness and bleak.

It's not exactly like i am planning to end my life but it's more of a lingering thought as sobbed

'If i died, will i be missed? does it even matter to anyone?

That's the price to pay for suppresing and bottling up almost everything. I reached my breaking point at the smallest issue. I know i am not a good do-er and heaven is not promised but i also cannot cope. Thus the thought of leaving everything behind and forget.

I'm now suffering splitting headache with sore eyes.

Never proud of this but i guess it's ok to admit. perhaps after so many years and when i decided to open up this page again, i would knock my head for being so silly.

So it's high time for a revision of life to bring myself closer to Allah.

I shall recite Quran and Tafseer more. I shall pray harder. I shall write and talk to Him more. I shall seek out his guidance and blessings in every step of my life.

There said.