I once replied to my dearest Monash's sister
"Big hugs for u. I knew bout the UM offer so congrats! Mmg in our job selalu kena marah, rasa unappreciated tp keep in mind that we work kerana Allah and not for others. That way rasa much comforted. We've always try out best..'
She texted me the usual dilemma and infamous challenge faced by junior doctor, particularly in this system-the humiliation, the dejection, the frustration and what's not. This issue were dealt differently by us; some choose to whine and others keep it rotting inside.
If you're saying i'm being idealist; well, sorry but that's how i choose to face it, or rather embrace the situation. It's too late to regret our choice to pursue this profession and if i may humbly remind that we're actually given the opportunity by Allah to do the most noble job of all. If that's not enough, this job actually brings us closer and closer to our Creator.
How many times we recite Bismillah or Selawat before poking the patient's vein or doing resuscitation?
This journey was never an easy one for me either. Some may have seen my tears streaming down while doing ward job and at nights, some read my thought of writing a resignation letter in the previous space. The only survival kit i have were solat hajat each time before on call because i was so scared i might faced difficult nights and finding little happiness every day. Successful venepuncture on difficult vein could easily be the source of satisfaction during that period.
Slowly i learned and found new joy and enthusiasm in this job.
Being average, my daily aim is to be able to perform my best and come home with no regrets. I know i may not be able to remember everything under the sun and master all the skills but as long as i tried, i will leave the hospital with a smile.
'Worry is like a working chair, it will give your work but will not bring anywhere' - SSP's t shirt.
Be grateful that we have HIM to submit ourselves at the end of the day. Be grateful that we have HIM to turn to when everyone else could only give us sympathy look. Be grateful that we only HIS evaluation matters and not others. Be very grateful that we have HIM in our life.
Hugs to all the survivors!