The words lingered, stinging everytime i thought of it. Of course it only brings back negative vibe to which i never enjoyed
So i came up with a 2 years' plan. No, i dont do sweet revenge but i am to prove my worthiness...
- Since i wont get any recommendation to stay, i'll go wherever they're going me to send me away. No point arguing with those who doesnt care.
- Apply for district hospital as soon as possible. I figured, instead of wasting time doing something i never enjoyed (that's what scapegoat does, anyway) i might as well face my fear and get away from my comfort zone. Hospital Tanah Merah would be ideal for a few reason-experience and logistic.
- Find ways to attend all those required course-PALS, BLS, ALS and another course which i forgot.
- Buy books and read up!
- Get acquinted with those who're doing Master and get to know the pathway.
- After a year, go to JKNK and demand for transfer.
- Do the ultimate step: apply for Master in Emergency Medicine.
Ya Allah, permudahkanlah jalanku ini..
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The End Is The Beginning..
In a few days' time, i will end my housemanship..Previously i was all excited to come up with a list on how to make it all memorable, if not durable.
But today i learnt the real truth.
No matter how good your work performance,
No matter how much you value the job for personal satisfaction,
No matter how well you answer the question during the final assessment,
No matter how earnest you feel about pursuing the specialty,
No matter how humble you walk around the rest,
No matter what..
But if you dont have pretty face with flirty appearance, you're just nothing.
You're not even welcomed nor recognised.
But as the words above mean,
This is just the beginning.
I take this as a challenge to fulfill in 5 year's time.
For i believe that my fate is not in your hand.
I forever have My LOrd with me.
But today i learnt the real truth.
No matter how good your work performance,
No matter how much you value the job for personal satisfaction,
No matter how well you answer the question during the final assessment,
No matter how earnest you feel about pursuing the specialty,
No matter how humble you walk around the rest,
No matter what..
But if you dont have pretty face with flirty appearance, you're just nothing.
You're not even welcomed nor recognised.
But as the words above mean,
This is just the beginning.
I take this as a challenge to fulfill in 5 year's time.
For i believe that my fate is not in your hand.
I forever have My LOrd with me.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Comeback
I thought i would be writing something nice and happy to make up for the infrequent update but i guess, i need to get this out of my system.
Have i been bad for keeping something to myself to avoid fitnah?
I've observed so many. I've learnt from others. I dont wanna be the topic for conversation. I dont wanna make fool of myself again.
I thought it will be better to keep mum about it until i am certain myself.
Little did i know, when i finally decided to share..it became the reason for hatred and misunderstanding.
Nevermind.
Now i know whom i can count on. Now i accept that people can treat others differently simply by superficial insight about the whole scenario.
Have i been bad for keeping something to myself to avoid fitnah?
I've observed so many. I've learnt from others. I dont wanna be the topic for conversation. I dont wanna make fool of myself again.
I thought it will be better to keep mum about it until i am certain myself.
Little did i know, when i finally decided to share..it became the reason for hatred and misunderstanding.
Nevermind.
Now i know whom i can count on. Now i accept that people can treat others differently simply by superficial insight about the whole scenario.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Ok.
Hai anonymous.
I didnt realise you're here until the email notification announcing your comment. Apparently that's not the only one. You've left several more but they went unnoticed before.
You cannot possibly be one of my friends or family because they'll say their name right away, i'm sure. But you sounded like a nice person so that doesnt bother me much. Thanks for your kind words and concern though. It seemed genuine, at least.
I dont know whether we could be friend or not because i dont leave my contact number or mail around for you to contact me personally. But if you're comfortable being my far-away acquintance, it's fine by me too.
Ahah!
Maybe you can be my imaginary friend, just like when we were kids so that i could talk to you without feeling anxious over the secret being heard by others.
What do you think?
Hai anonymous.
I didnt realise you're here until the email notification announcing your comment. Apparently that's not the only one. You've left several more but they went unnoticed before.
You cannot possibly be one of my friends or family because they'll say their name right away, i'm sure. But you sounded like a nice person so that doesnt bother me much. Thanks for your kind words and concern though. It seemed genuine, at least.
I dont know whether we could be friend or not because i dont leave my contact number or mail around for you to contact me personally. But if you're comfortable being my far-away acquintance, it's fine by me too.
Ahah!
Maybe you can be my imaginary friend, just like when we were kids so that i could talk to you without feeling anxious over the secret being heard by others.
What do you think?
Pending
Apology.
A month went by without a word in here. I'm not mourning over the loss but rather too occupied in moving forward.
yup, just like what Dory said in Finding Nemo..
'Keep moving, keep moving..'
What did i promised for February actually?
New start isnt it. So i choose to rejoice what matters most in my life-apart from faith that is.
Family.
I had great time with them over two wedding and an engagement over CNY break. The happy faces. The silly jokes. I shall put up some photoes as proof. Later.
Ok, honestly i am losing my flow of writing here. I should practise more. I promise. After i return from my girls' trip to Terengganu.
Toodles!
A month went by without a word in here. I'm not mourning over the loss but rather too occupied in moving forward.
yup, just like what Dory said in Finding Nemo..
'Keep moving, keep moving..'
What did i promised for February actually?
New start isnt it. So i choose to rejoice what matters most in my life-apart from faith that is.
Family.
I had great time with them over two wedding and an engagement over CNY break. The happy faces. The silly jokes. I shall put up some photoes as proof. Later.
Ok, honestly i am losing my flow of writing here. I should practise more. I promise. After i return from my girls' trip to Terengganu.
Toodles!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sleepless
As i lied awake in the hospital bed, waiting for the antibiotic to kick in...
I thought of January..
Little did i know, when i said that it will be the month of letting go..it would be losing my 2 favourite men.
The first one was by choice. He could not make it. He chose to dissapear into the thin air. He chicken out. He dare not to say whatever the reason for his absence. It's funny, when i thought i learnt from previous mistake and can actually have platonic relationship..the very person chicken out. so i thought, ok fine. just go away. i wish i can be this mean bitch that keeps on wishing he will learn his lesson for treating a girl like a shit but i did not. i just wanna forgive him and keep my heart lighter. perhaps i'm not a good person either in the past.
But the second one was inevitable. my very own clique, my closest buddy has got his transfer application approved. damn, my heart sank when i first heard about the news. there wont be six of us anymore. being happily married but living a bachelor life (as his wife's abroad), he's been our partner in crime since. if the world has snail mail, we then have snail jokes when one funny stories/incident would lead to another good laugh..and we keep our youth that way.. and my latest inside joke with him would be ' a date with indonesian maid watching badminton'. go figure! deyyy, you will be sorely missed:p
Two different ending. Two different emotion.
I thought of January..
Little did i know, when i said that it will be the month of letting go..it would be losing my 2 favourite men.
The first one was by choice. He could not make it. He chose to dissapear into the thin air. He chicken out. He dare not to say whatever the reason for his absence. It's funny, when i thought i learnt from previous mistake and can actually have platonic relationship..the very person chicken out. so i thought, ok fine. just go away. i wish i can be this mean bitch that keeps on wishing he will learn his lesson for treating a girl like a shit but i did not. i just wanna forgive him and keep my heart lighter. perhaps i'm not a good person either in the past.
But the second one was inevitable. my very own clique, my closest buddy has got his transfer application approved. damn, my heart sank when i first heard about the news. there wont be six of us anymore. being happily married but living a bachelor life (as his wife's abroad), he's been our partner in crime since. if the world has snail mail, we then have snail jokes when one funny stories/incident would lead to another good laugh..and we keep our youth that way.. and my latest inside joke with him would be ' a date with indonesian maid watching badminton'. go figure! deyyy, you will be sorely missed:p
Two different ending. Two different emotion.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Falling harder
Tak lelah
Kau beri sgalanya
'Tuk yakinkan ku
Kau sayang pada ku
Hingga kau
Taklukkan diriku
Membuat ku tersedar
Ku t'lah merasakan sesuatu
Di saat ku mulai sayang
Di saat ku mulai cinta
Kau yang hilangkan rasa untukku
Chorus:
Sedih yang mesti ku pendam
Rasa yang menjadi hampa
Ku jalani semua
Walau cinta kini tak berarah
Kau pergi tak beralasan
Tak seperti yang ku pinta
Ku menunggu tiba waktu kau ucapkan
Kau sayang padaku
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